How do I get my loved one to go for therapy?
There are tons of articles about what we could do if someone we know has depression. If you are wondering and reading this blog post, good on you for wanting to find out how to help a friend or loved one.
Life in urban places like Singapore can be isolating. It seems ironic that we live in a place with so many people, and yet feel alone in a crowd. In fact, living in a densely populated area can actually contribute to isolation. In the modern working world, genuine relationships can seem few and far between. Furthermore, depression and anxiety can be terribly alienating as it seems like no one truly understands. If you care about your friend enough to want to find out how to help, your friend or loved one probably appreciates your concern. But sometimes their state of mind stops them from being fully aware and reciprocating or showing appreciation.
What can I say or do?
I was recently asked by someone how they could make their loved one go for therapy, what they could say or do to get the person to seek help. As I had said in my previous blog entry, opening up about one’s wounds is no walk in the park. Therapy requires commitment and involves working on the self. Hence, it would be hard, almost impossible, to force someone to go for therapy.
What you could do, however, may be to lower the ‘threshold’ for them to cross to taking that first step. Perhaps doing some research on therapy options and sending that information to the person, accompanied with some gentle encouragement. Keep track of appointments and reminding them, and taking care of the practical stuff that they may overlook, could be very helpful. Sharing articles or news about mental health as a form of education can also help inform and empower your friend.
You may be willing to pay for therapy, or the first few sessions of therapy to get them started. This could be helpful if the person is not financially stable or independent. Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, your loved one however may or may not appreciate this gesture. They may already be feeling crappy about themselves, and accepting your money might make them feel indebted to you or like a burden. Whatever it is, if the person is an adult, let them have the autonomy to make the decision to begin therapy.
Overcoming societal and personal hurdles
Some may feel reluctant to seek help, as they don’t want to be known for having a mental health issue. I have heard instances where people asked a GP for a referral to a mental health practitioner, but the doctor was reluctant as they were afraid the patient's employer would find out and view them as unfit for work. Where mental health diagnosis is concerned, only psychiatrists and clinical psychologists are allowed to make diagnoses in Singapore. Therapists like counsellors and art (psycho)therapists do not make mental health diagnoses. We are also bound to the principle of confidentiality, so the fact that a person attends therapy with us, and what is said or done in the session will not be divulged unless there is an emergency, it is ordered by court of law, or it is revealed that the client has the intention to harm either the self or others. It thus follows that counsellors and art therapists work in our own capacity. The focus of art therapy would be different from say a psychiatrist, as we do not diagnose or prescribe medication. We work through the therapeutic relationship, art materials and art-making process, to empower the client. The strength of art therapy is that the client is the one holding the brush/pencil/pen/crayon. The power to change is hence in their own hands. The therapist simply provides guidance and the relational support.
Having said all that, it is ultimately still the person’s own decision to go for therapy (unless they have been mandated, such as in family violence cases). Whatever it is, being there for someone when they’re in the doldrums is an invaluable act whose effects are often under-stated and under-appreciated. While caring for your loved one, do also remember to maintain healthy boundaries and take care of yourself. By taking care of your own wellbeing, you would then be in a better position to help others.